Esme's Slip Up
by Criminal-Twilight-Minds
Summary: A short story revolving around Esme's slip up. Carlisle tries to make it easier on her and to feel better.
1. I Slipped Up

**Esme**

I went hunting alone. All 6 of our children had gone up the coast of Canada for the weekend. They would be back home tomorrow. Carlisle had something he had to do at the hospital, and he said it wouldn't take long, so I decided to hunt. This was a bad idea.

I wasn't a newborn, I had been a vampire for decades, but I hadn't hunted in a while. I had waited too long, and when a wind picked up and I caught the scent of fresh human blood, I couldn't stop myself. I was running, despite my minds' screams for me to stop, I didn't have the control to stop. Not the control Bella had when she was a newborn and turned away from the blood. Not the control Carlisle had when he resisted all the blood he could have drank as a newborn.

But I wasn't a newborn, why was it still so tempting after not having it for decades? I climbed the rocks and stopped at a ledge where the human was sitting, her back to me. She was putting a bandage around her leg that she had just cut on a rock. She didn't know I was there; I didn't make a single sound getting up here.

I took a few silent steps forward before I crouched down, I snapped her neck from behind, she wouldn't have felt it, it was too quick, and she didn't know it was coming. I drained her blood. All of it. My mind was still screaming at me to stop.

When I finished, it took me a few seconds before I snapped back out of my animal state, and I realised what I had done.

"No." I whispered to myself. I dropped to my knees. My clothes were covered in this girls' blood, my hands were red. Tearless sobs started to escape me. I looked at her bag, and was tempted to find her name, but I knew it would only make it worse.

" _You deserve worse. You're a monster. Carlisle won't forgive you for this. Hopefully, he'll kill you."_

The thoughts ran through my head multiple times.

I moved to the other side of her to see her face. She was young, not much older than Bella. She had light brown hair, which now had red soaking through it. Her skin was spotless, she had green eyes. I closed her eyes over and fell backwards from my kneeling position. I was crying again, and I moved myself backwards away from her.

I didn't know how long I was there. It was early afternoon when I left the house, it was now getting dark. Rain had started pouring. The girl and I were now both drenched.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered to her.

I noticed a dry spot on the other side of the wide rock ledge. A rock a few metres above it was covering it, creating a small shelter. I stood up and carefully scooped up the girl, moving her from the dirty ground that was now made of mud mixed with blood. I placed her gently onto the dry rock. I brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear.

It had been so long since I slipped up; I didn't remember what to do. I couldn't just leave her here, and I didn't know how to dispose of her body. I couldn't tell a human, or the chances are that our secret would be out, and the Volturi would be on the next plane over here.

I just sat down in the place I was before, and kept crying tearlessly. I hugged my legs to my chest, and sat there for what seemed like days, weeping. I couldn't believe the person I had become. A puddle formed in front of me, and when I leaned over it, I didn't recognise the monster staring back at me. I jumped backwards, hitting the rock again. I knew it was me, but my eyes were crimson.

I was breathing heavily, and the rain started dying down.

"Esme?" I heard Carlisle's voice. It was in the distance, he wasn't here yet, he might not know.

" _Of course he knew, he could smell it."_ I thought to myself.

I quickly washed my face and hands in the clear puddle before me, which had a red tint afterwards. There was no blood on my lips, or my hands now, but it was still on my clothes, and there was no way for me to hide the red eyes at this moment.

I decided I would turn the other way, then he wouldn't see.

"Esme?" He spoke again, softer. He was right behind me now.

"Don't come closer." I choked out between my sobs which I was now trying to supress.

He sighed, "Esme, sweetheart, it's okay."

"No, no it's not. I shouldn't still be doing this. I'm not a newborn, you and the others don't anymore, why do I?"

"They all had their slip ups." He reasoned.

He sat down beside me and was now cradling me in his arms. I was leaning against his chest.

"I have been looking for you for so long." He whispered.

"I was hoping you wouldn't find me…" I said quietly.

He kissed the top of my head, and was stroking my hair. I didn't realise I was still sobbing.

He placed his finger under my chin gently and lifted my head to look at him. He looked at my eyes immediately before kissing my lips once. He was soft, gentle. It shocked me that even though my eyes were crimson, my clothes were still covered in _human_ blood, and he knew exactly what I did, he could still love me.

"Esme?" He broke the silence that had fallen over us. I was still in his arms.

I looked up at him forgetting about the eyes.

"Why don't you go hunt a deer, then have a shower at home? I'll take care of this." He smiled warmly, comfortingly.

I looked over at the girl before he turned my face back to him, "Don't look, you'll feel worse."

I nodded and we stood up.

He kissed me again, "I'll be home soon."


	2. It's Okay

**Carlisle**

I watched Esme jump down off the ledge before I turned to the young girl. I knelt beside her lifeless body. "I'm sorry."

I threw her bag onto my back and lifted her up. I jumped from the ledge and ran the opposite direction of the house for several minutes before I stopped. I placed her and the bag down before ripping a tree half out of the ground. I dug underneath it and placed the girl in it. I neatened her hair, and placed her hands over her stomach. I put the bag at her feet.

I dropped the tree down and it returned to its original position. It didn't look any different.

It would replant itself back into the ground by the time anyone thought to look anywhere in this general direction of the forest.

I ran back to the house, and hunted on my way. When I got inside, Esme was lying on the couch, motionless. When I walked inside, she didn't acknowledge my entry. Her eyes didn't move from the plain roof.

"I'm going to have a quick shower…" I knew she would hear me.

I took a few minutes in the shower, making sure all traces of the dirt were gone before getting out. I dried off and put on comfortable clothes before walking out. She was in the bedroom now, but she was still motionless, staring at the ceiling.

I sat down on my side of our bed, "Esme?"

A few seconds past before she dropped her head to the side and looked at me. Her eyes were a mix of crimson and topaz.

"Did you hunt on your way home?"

She nodded, "Several times, but my eyes are still red."

"They're mixed. It'll go away in a few days." I assured.

"A few days? They get back tomorrow!" She sprung up.

"Shh." I hushed her. I lay down and pulled her backwards to lay with me.

She moved closer to me, burying her face in my chest. "I can't stay here." Her voice was muffled.

"Yes, you can. Like I said before, they have all had their slip ups. They won't judge you." I wrapped my arms around her smaller frame.

She started sobbing again.

I hushed her again, "Esme, it was an accident. It'll be okay."

"How am I meant to handle my children if I can't handle myself?"

"This wasn't your fault. We are creatures, remember. When the animalistic senses take over, there is no stopping it. This is completely different from handling them, and they'll understand if you don't want to be surrounded by them for a while."

"How are you doing that?" She lifted her head and looked into my eyes.

"Doing what, why love?"

"That. Loving me despite what I just did."

"Like I have said several times, we've all done it before. It was an accident and in no way was it your fault."

"You haven't done it…"

"Everyone else has. I'm not the only other vampire in the world, Esme."

"You are the only vampire in _my_ world at this current moment."

I bowed my head and kissed her. "Forget about it." I whispered.

"That is easier said than done." She laid her head back on my chest.

I stroked up and down her arm in soothing motions.

* * *

When they got home, Edward knew instantly. Neither Esme nor I could completely wipe it from our thoughts. I was surprised Alice didn't see first and call me or even Esme.

Edward came straight up to our room with Bella by his side. They knocked quietly and Esme buried her face into my chest again. She wasn't crying this time; she was just hiding herself from them.

"Yes?" I said quietly.

They walked in and closed the door behind them. "Esme, we all have done it." Edward started.

"We're so sorry." Bella added.

"Who knows?" Her muffled voice spoke softly.

"Well Alice was a little…preoccupied…so she didn't get the vision. I couldn't imagine how awkward that would get if she got a vision mid-way through…"

"Edward." Bella warned.

"Right, sorry. It's just us. Jasper can sense your grief and guilt, though. He knows something is wrong, he just doesn't know what it is."

"Don't tell them."

"Esme, I think they should know." I said.

"No. Please?"

" _What is she worried about?"_ I asked Edward through my thoughts.

"Being condemned." He answered.

"Esme, no one is going to condemn you for this. They will understand, and they will support you."

"They aren't as forgiving as you are." Her face was still hidden in my chest.

"Edward and Bella forgave you just fine."

"They aren't bitches like Rosalie or immature children like Emmett and Jasper."

Bella, Edward and I struggled to supress our laughs. "I don't think I have ever heard you speak of them like that."

"I'm a terrible animal!" She yelled quietly into my chest. Edward and I couldn't stop the laughs.

"They are just as bad…" Bella said, glaring at us in turn.

Esme rolled off of me and hit me, hard. I winced. Her eyes were cold for a second before they softened again, "Can you please go down and tell them? I don't want to see their reactions."

"Sure." I brushed her hair out of her face and kissed the top of her head before standing up and walking around the bed.

"Go with him." Bella said to Edward. He obeyed.

We walked downstairs to the living room, "Can we talk to you guys?" I asked.

Alice turned the TV off and looked at Jasper before turning her attention to me. All 4 of them were listening immediately.

"What? No witty remark?" I asked Emmett.

"Something's wrong." He said.

I looked towards the stairs and caught sight of Esme and Bella hiding at the top, watching. Edward briefly looked at them too.

"Okay, so I need you all to keep an open mind and be serious. Can you do that?"

"We are not children Carlisle…" Rosalie knew something was wrong too. How did they know?

"Jasper told them." Edward said quietly to me. I nodded to show I understood and smiled at Jasper reassuringly.

"So, Esme went hunting yesterday…and she—" I looked up at her on the staircase. Her face was blank. "She slipped up."

Alice gasped. Rosalie dropped her jaw open. Emmett looked down at the floor.

"That explains it…" Jasper said quietly.

"She needs us all to be really supportive. She is so upset and disgusted with herself. She hasn't believed Carlisle every time he was tried to tell her it was okay. We need to make her realise that it was just an accident and that we've all been there." Edward said. "You can do that, right?"

"Of course." Rosalie said softly.

"Shit." We heard Esme say quietly. I looked up quick enough to see her almost fall down the staircase. Bella caught her and laughed.

They all looked up and saw her sitting up there. She disappeared behind the wall and we heard her close the bedroom door harder than necessary.

They all turned their gazes back to me. "She didn't want us to see her?" Emmett said.

"She thinks you will judge her."

"Should we say her reasons why?" Edward smirked.

I glared at him, "No."

"What?" Alice said.

I turned back to them, "Nothing. Completely unrelated." I smiled.

"So do we wait for her to feel comfortable enough to come down here or go up to her?" Rosalie asked.

"Um." I thought about it.

"Wait for her." Edward answered for me.

They all nodded and sat in silence for a while, "Whoa, you really all have entirely different views on this." Edward said.

"Stay out of our heads." Rosalie snapped.

"You don't want me to know the empathy your feeling? Or how much you just want to make her happy again?"

"Shut up." She threw a pillow at him.

I smiled. If Rosalie wanted to support and make her happy again, then I knew the others would too.

"Thank you." I said to them.

I walked up the stairs slowly. "Carlisle?" Alice and Rosalie stopped me at the top.

Edward walked straight past us and into the room with Bella and Esme.

"Yes?"

"This is hard on you too, isn't it?" Rosalie asked.

"It's hard for me to see her hating herself so much." I clarified.

Alice hugged me, then Rosalie.

"We'll get through it." I assured.

"Just, don't let her leave. She has mentioned that she can't stay here, hasn't she?" Rosalie asked.

I nodded.

"Don't let her leave. When I slipped up, and I left, I tried to handle it by myself, but I couldn't. She is going to think she can heal by herself, but she can't. Being alone will only break her more. She needs people around." Rosalie explained.

I nodded, "Thank you, Rose."

"Tell her that we love her, and that we aren't judging her for anything." Alice said.

"I will." I smiled and they turned around and went back downstairs.

I walked into the bedroom and repeated Alice's words.

Esme looked at Edward, "Is that true? Are they judging or not?"

"They aren't. And Rosalie, the bitch she is, was the first to accept it." He smiled.

Esme bit her lip and looked at the ground. I stepped towards her and wrapped my arms around her again.

"It'll get better soon." I whispered, kissing her head.


End file.
